Breaking Down The Walls I sit here alone in the darkness, wondering to myself how I am going to escape from the darkened tomb that I have been sequestered in. It seems like only yesterday I was free to roam around and do whatever I pleased, to hell with the consequences of my actions. I was having a good time.
Yes, I wreaked havoc and raised ten different kinds of hell, but it was all in good fun. Well....to me it was. I started my day by finally quieting that damn dog that had kept me up at nights with its incessant barking. The yelps of pain that filled the air as I gripped my hands tightly around his throat and squeezed with all my might brought me a great deal of happiness. But it wasn't enough.
Why stop there? I had already taken the first step. Why not go all the way? I could make good on all the threats that I had shouted out to anyone that had ever crossed my path. The inconsiderate driver that cut me off on the freeway, then flipped me off and honked their horn at me like it was my fault.
Or, the lady at the bar that sneered down her nose at me like I was a worthless piece of garbage when I asked to buy her a drink, the cashier at the convenience store that habitually short changed me and then made me look like a jackass in front of everyone else when I brought it to their attention. The list of people that have caused me distress in one form or another was immense. I could go on and on forever.
Instead I took it upon myself to not just sit idly by and let their wrongdoings fester and boil in the pit of my stomach but take action, drastic action. No longer would I be the victim, now was the time to turn the tables and show them what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot.
I got in my car and headed down to the local convenience store to confront that shifty eyed cashier and show them the error of their ways. The surge of adrenaline I felt as I pulled up to the front of the store and got out was tremendous. I hadn't felt like this since I was in high school. I hadn't a care in the world and I had no fear of the ramifications my actions might bring.
That's the one thing about being young I miss. The never say die attitude and the feeling of flying by the seat of your pants almost as if you were invincible. You're young and haven't been tainted by the stark realities that life brings you in your later years. You're like a blank slate just waiting to be written upon, and completely impervious to heartache and disappointments humanity flings at you.
I stood beside my car and took in a deep breath, the fresh air coupled with the flow of adrenaline that coursed its way through my body seemed to rekindle my spirit and give me a new lease on life. Now all I had to do was formulate a plan. How was I going to unleash hell on this short changing sleazebag, and more importantly how was I going to do it unnoticed?
Throwing caution to the wind I said screw it and headed to the trunk of my car and pulled out the rusty old tire iron that was wedged in between the fender well and the padding. If this was gonna go down it had to go down quick and the tire iron was the right tool for the job.
Gripping the makeshift weapon tightly in my hands I approached the front counter only to be met with a new face. It seems as though I picked the one day that douche bag had off to reconcile my emotions. Common sense told me to just let it go for now, hop into my car and go back home.
But amidst all the thoughts of calming down, focusing on the heart of the matter and rethinking the situation altogether that overwhelmed me there was a voice. A tiny, but very powerful voice that called out to me. It made light of the fact that yes, this wasn't the original target I had set out to find but they were no better than the slime ball that usually worked the counter and they too must be dealt with.
On the one hand my common sense was right. This wasn't my original plan but like they say "The best laid plans of mice and men go oft awry" and as far as I could tell this plan wasn't working to my satisfaction. The rage that had built to a fevered pitch hadn't dissipated one iota, someone had to pay for these misdeeds. And at this point it didn't necessarily have to be the exact person that committed the act. I knew I had a very important message to deliver and the feelings that rumbled in the pit of my stomach would not rest until that message had been delivered loud and clear.
The clerk, sensing that something was amiss had begun walking toward the silent alarm chain that normally would be around their neck. But in this instance they had foolishly taken it off and laid it on the side counter. Big mistake, and now their misfortune would be my gain. I scanned the store quickly for witnesses, not a soul in sight. In one swift, fluid motion I lurched forward jumping up and over the counter, swinging the tire iron at the northern most point of his body.
The tire iron landed with a sickening thud across the clerks head as a torrent of blood splattered all over the meticulously stacked cigarette case and polka dotted the front counter.
"Man, that felt great" I thought to myself.
As opposed to sitting back and letting the world and all the miscreants that inhabited it take advantage of me I was finally doing something about it. Now was the time for action. I had already come this far, might as well finish the job.
The clerk lay on the floor, cowering and bleeding profusely. I almost felt sorry for the poor schmuck. Almost. Without hesitation I raised the tire iron above my head and came crashing down landing blow after blow to their cranium. The thud of the tire iron smacking into his head rang throughout the store, overpowering the horrid muzak that blared over the ratty little speakers that adorned the ceiling.
I could feel years of anger and frustration being released as I bashed his skull in. I had never felt freer in my entire life than at that very moment. As the clerk lay dying in a pool of his own blood I heard the unmistakable sounds of the police abruptly arriving in an effort to save the day. Everything after that was all kind of a blur. I think I may have blacked out or something from all the excitement.
The next thing I remember is being locked in this god forsaken room surrounded by complete and total darkness. I couldn't feel my arms, legs or anything for that matter. It was as if time had frozen. I was coherent and aware of my surroundings but I could no longer control my own body. What the hell was going on? Where the hell was I and why was there no sound? It was like my worst nightmare come true.
Screaming didn't help; searching for an exit was futile. It was as if the walls that confined me went on and on forever. No windows, no doors. Nothing. No sound, no wind. Only darkness. I sat alone and afraid for what seemed like an eternity.
Just as I began to give up all hope that I would be released or ever have any interaction with another human being for that matter, I heard a faint voice cry out from within the darkness "My god what have I done?".
The voice sounded very familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had heard it before. I tried screaming out to answer the voice but I could not even muster up a tiny yelp. That's when the realization set in, it was my own. But how? I mean it's not possible for me to be in two places at once, Is it?
I had very little recollection of anything before today and that bothered me. Was I suffering from dementia or maybe a case of amnesia? Maybe I was going batshit crazy. That would explain why I couldn't find a way out of this room and why there was no light.
Feeling as if all hope was lost for me I slumped down and began sobbing uncontrollably. As I sat alone in the darkness searching for answers to questions I knew I shouldn't even be pondering it suddenly all began to make perfect sense.
My memories were cloudy at best, but the ones that stood out the most were of the times that someone had done something that I didn't wholeheartedly agree with. From being shoved into a locker in high school on an almost daily basis by the older and much larger kids, to my boss waiting until 4:55 PM on Friday evening to lay a stack of papers that HAD to be done by Monday on my desk, knowing full well that I had plans for the weekend, to the day my heart was shattered forever by the one I thought I would spend eternity with.
All these memories paled in comparison to what had gone down today and as I dug deeper and deeper into the difficult conundrum I had found myself in I was left with the startling reality that the reason today stood out the most was because I was neither man nor spirit. I was the hatred and contempt that had lurked inside this mans body. Festering and steeping in a pool of rage that had been growing inside him for years and years. Just waiting for an opportune moment when he let his guard down and finally gave in to temptation, freeing me to do whatever, whenever to whomever I saw fit to destroy.
I was let out for only a short period of time and now I was trapped again. Trapped inside the walls of his mind. The only question now was........For how long?